His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize