What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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