MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
