I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
