So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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