I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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