so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
third nipple confirmed
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
