she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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