Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
