Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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