You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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