two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize