OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize