At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
