Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Randomize
