): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
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You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
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they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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