Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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