I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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