I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
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