I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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