I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
