I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
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