I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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