last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
