Do you still have your period?
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
