Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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