I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize