I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
