So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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