I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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