These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
