Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
