I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
