I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
