if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
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