Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
