So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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