mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
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