I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
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