I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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