He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
