My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
