he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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