I must be too annoying 4 u.
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
