Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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