he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
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