ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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