Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
