Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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