So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
