It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
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