dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
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