At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
