Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
