just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
