Quick, to the slutcave!
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
