im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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